When we ask the ladies about your beard

When we ask the ladies about your beard, this is how they respond:

Nope! Wiry coils that look like someone’s one hundred year old pubic hair? No thanks.

Your beard highlights your eyes. It's sort of like a mascara for men. And a permanent concealer for a weak chin or chicken neck.

Check your beard after food. Is that a little piece of steak nestled in your chin nest or is it a beard accessory? Neither is OK.

No more than 1cm. I hate beards. Stubble, absolutely, but not a bush. I don’t need your face bush to remove my makeup. Gross.

Clumps of nasty beard oil. Worse than food is some patchouli smelling artsy beard balm that has clumped up in your beard.

Beard Combs are completely unacceptable in public. Do you think I want your ginger spotted beard hairs in my wine?

If it stops you looking like a 6ft tall baby, do it. No discernible jawbone? Beards pretty much write “FRESH THROUGH PUBERTY” all over your face.

Having a beard is not an excuse for ostentatious hairiness. Just because you have a beard, doesn’t mean you can have a monobrow, nose hair or, god forbid, ear hair. #PleaseShave

If you're not developing even coverage, give up. Beards aren't for everyone.

Just rock the Three-day stubble. It looks masculine, it's hassle free and full-on beards smell.

Don’t forget to shave your neck. Ladies don't like men who wear scarves, and certainly not men who grow their own.

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